for silly violence, mild sexual humor and general immaturity. Warriors Ten :Peter Pan by icar "noooooo more weekends without food or water for me" us note: this is rediculous. it was written because i was exhausted, wanted to sleep, and couldn't get the idea of Darkfool as a pirate out of my head. PROLOG The author is chasing Grey around with a net, which he is quite effectively eluding. Damnit Grey, hold still! Grey: Why do I have to be Peter Pan? Because i want to see you in tights! Now hold still! Grey: But why can't Darkfool be Peter? Darkfool: Yeah, whoi can't Oi be Peter? Cause yer too fuzzy!! The author finally catches Grey in her net and begins to drag him off to the dressing room. Grey: ... And since the author couldn't find an appropriate Peter costume, Grey's going to be wearing fishnets. Grey: LIKE HELL I AM! Darkfool: OI WILL! Grey blasts through the net with his strange freaky glowy hand thing and runs off. Darkfool dives into the fishnets and begins dancing around singing. d'oh. Darkfool: Oh Oi'm a Nikitak and Oi'm okaaaay! Stop that! grrr..Won't ANYONE play Peter? or do i have to do a gender swap again? Everyone: NO! Grey: and no gender swaps. I refuse to be Wendy. You guys ruin everything!! The author begins softly sobbing...*sniff sniff* ;_; Grey: ... Demon boy can't stand to see a writer in pain and volunteers to still be Peter! Yeay thank you Grey! Grey: I never said that. Well now you did. Thank you! The author gives Grey a hug. awwwww. Grey: I still will not wear those cloths. ....okay...fine...i give in...you can wear your normal outfit. Grey: ^_^ ...well that was scary. Anyway, let's start this show! A huge castle appears on the screen...inching on rather nervously. It looks a tad beat up, and afraid of something. Finally, it's reached the center of the screen. Trembling, it pipes up. Castle: ....dadaaaa? Suddenly, a cannonball blasts through the castle, knocking it down! The background falls away to reveal a big ol pirate ship with the cast aboard. Darkfool: Man the mizzen masts, moi mates! Let's go! Jester: Aye Aye cap'n! Darkfool begins to sing! Darkfool: A Pirate Oi was meant to be! Trim the sails and roam the sea! Roll credits Darkfool: Captain Hook Jester: Mr. Smee Grey: Peter Pan (heh heh heh) Soshika: The Croc Misuka: Tinkerbell Rabindranath: Michel Kyotoshi: John Solla: Wendy As Darkfool's ungodly singing dies down, the ship sails offscreen and the room fades to black. When we fade back in, we're in an old england bedroom where Solla is sitting in bed, and Kyotoshi and Rabin are snoring in their own respective beds. Solla: Oh, how I wish I was in NeverNever Land. Put a little more effort into it, girl! oh well. Anyway, the window suddenly breaks open with a blast of red light. Damn Grey's cool when he does that. Floating through the window is our demon boy! Followed quickly by a little spec of light. Misuka: EY! I'm not a speck!! You come over here I'llshowyouwho'saspeck what'reyoutalkingaboutIhavenoproblem I'mnotgoingoutwithDay whatthehellareyoutalkingabout...!! Misuka keeps ranting, but I'm going to ignore her. Grey flies over to Solla's bed and lands on the floor in front of it. Okay, Grey, be all Peterish. Grey: No. ...I can see a problem forming. Grey: And since when did I learn to fly? It's for plot's sake! Just follow the plot! Solla: I'm not going with the Demon. Grey: I'm not going with her. Misuka: I ain't flyin with that reptilian bitch! YOU GUYS ARE SUCH PAINS! GRR!! Okay, how's this? If you don't all go to Never Never land, I'll reduce you all to minor characters! Grey: ... Misuka: @_@ Solla: @_@ Grey: Well then. Come on, Wendy. Solla: I am STILL not going with you. Grey: Just go. Solla: Give me one good reason. Grey's hands glow dangerously red! oooh we may see murder yet! Grey: It's...for...plot's sake. Solla: -_-; very well. Finally. Solla takes off after Grey and they fly through the sky on their way to Never Never land when... Darkfool: Oi fly in on moi ship? YOU DONT APPEAR YET!! Darkfool: Darn. Anyway they fly and fly and fly and go faster and faster and faster and faster until they killed all the people and- Grey: "Author," this isn't a campfire story. Oh right. Sorry. So anyway they went faster and faster and faster and faster until they were home. Solla: You mean in Never Never land. Right. That too. Uh, oh yeah, Kyotoshi and Rabin are with them. Kyotoshi: Whuuuu? Rabin: How'd we get here? Kyotoshi and Rabin are rubbing their eyes sleepily, trying to figure out what just happened. It's pretty normal for them to wake up with no idea how they got where they are, so I'm not going to tell them just yet. Anyway, everyone's in Never Never land! Grey: As in I'd never be seen flying. Solla: As in I'd never be seen with the Demon. Misuka: As in I'll NEVER forgive you for that comment about Day! Soshika: tick! tock!! A big scaley green crocodile jumps into the clearing where everyone's standing in the forest! AAAAAAAAAAH!!! Actually, the croc isn't all that scary at all. Um... Grey: It's Soshika in a crocodile suit. Soshika: Sshhhhhh ^_^; Grey: Why aren't You Wendy? Soshika: I wanted to be a lizard! Misuka: -_-; Solla: -_-; Grey: -_-; My sentiments exactly. Because I'm working in a time frame here, Grey and the others ask the Croc why she's ticking. Soshika: I dunno I just like making this noise with my mouth and- NO!! oh brother...Soshika the Croc is ticking because she ate Cap'n Darkfool's hand(s) and someone eventually made her eat a clock. Soshika: Wouldn't that hurt? Shut up. At this exact moment, Cap'n Darkfool is plotting revenge! Cut scene to Cap'n Darkfool's ship, the Jolli Rojah, where in the map room, Darkfool's talking with Mr. Jester about plans to take out Grey! Darkfool: Whoi'm Oi trying to kill Grey? oooohhh I dunno. It goes with the plot. Just deal with it. Darkfool: This just gets worse and worse. It's late! I'm tired!! Gimme a break! You're jelous because he got to play Peter and you didn't. Darkfool: works for me! Jester: Yer so bizzare, Darkfool. Darkfool: That's me!! In plotting their plotly plot, Darkfool and Jester plot to plotly plotify- Darkfool: You're saying plot too much. I'm tired. Darkfool: You slept all day today AND yesterday! I'm still tired, okay??? Anyway. They're ploting to kidnap Solla to lure Grey into a trap. Darkfool: Oi'm not sure that'll work. Huh? Why? Darkfool: Well, nobody seems to much loik Solla except Soshika... Hmmm...you got a point there. Okay, kidnap Soshika! Darkfool: But she's the croc. Don't matter! Grey'll rescue her anyway. Get Misuka to help, she'll be glad to be rid of the competition. Darkfool: Okay! Darkfool bursts out of his cabin and clatters down the deck to the pixie forest to find Misuka on all six- WHAT THE HELL?? Darkfool's got six peg legs! What the hell did you do? Darkfool: Oi just look cooler this way! -_-; my characters are out of control... Darkfool: HERE OI COME!!! Darkfool clatters into the pixie forest like a wooden legged caterpiller, smiling madly. THis is just scary. Grey: ... Soshika: Does this croc suit look kawaii? I think it does. Kyotoshi: A little TOO kawaii, if you ask me. Rabin: Yeah..Kawaii maybe..for certain demons? In the forest clearing, Soshika's tugging at her croc suit and talking to the others. Solla's gone up to a tree to sulk. Under her fur at her brother's comment, Soshika blushes dark red. Grey does too a little. Grey: I am not. Stop denying it, you are too! Anyway, they all look around and realize...Misuka's gone! Grey: Big deal. Soshika: Aww I won't have anyone to chase now. I like having her be small enough to bat at. Grey: -_-; Kyotoshi: Remind me never to shrink... Rabin: Right. Meanwhile, in the pixie forest, Darkfool's cornered Misuka in a tree. I'm not even going to ask how he got up the tree on six peg legs... Darkfool: Oi swapped to hooks! You can't swap! Darkfool: Sure can! Look, now Oi've got only four hooks! Now Oi've got alternating hooks and pegs! Imagine the uses! Oi'm like a wolking swiss army knife! Or a walking swiss lunatic. Anyway, he's interogating Misuka! Darkfool: Wanna get Soshika out of the way and have Grey to yourself? Misuka: DO I! Misuka automaticly agrees to anything to rid the world of that medlesome cat. Darkfool whispers his plan to her, and she flits off. Misuka: flit flit flit flit... In the forest, everyone went to sleep. Don't ask me why, I just think they should be sleeping. Kyotoshi is snoring with his head on Rabin's stomach, and Soshika's curled up like a very cat-like gator, Grey curled up against her tummy. ^_^ awwww Misuka: WHAT THE HELL! Misuka sees this and becomes enraged! Her typing goes to hell in her anger! Misuka: FUCK YOU SABRECAT IAM NOT TYPINTLIKEA TWO YEAR OLD I AM ONLY PISSED NOT A FUCKING SMOOSHED DROW RARRR!!! Misuka grabs Soshika by her gator tail and drags her off to Darkfool's pirate ship, powered by her rage. Soshika sleeps through it all, because she's been trying to act like Vincent Valentine lately. Soshika: let me sleep... Misuka: you sleep too goddamn much, dude. Soshika continues to snore, oblivious. It must be a direct result of her recent discovery of Vincent Valentine from Final Fantasy 7 and her sudden desire to be him... Soshika: *zzzzzzz* That's what i thought...Anyway, Misuka drags Soshi to the pirate ship where Darkfool and Jester await! The sea rocks the boat softly, the gulls shoom overhead cawing and the sun sets eerily. Misuka flits in front of the pirate captain, demanding her reward. Misuka: Okay, I got the damn cat. Now where's Grey? Darkfool: Oi bet he'll be here as soon as she wakes up and calls for him! Misuka: SO WAKE HER UP! Darkfool: Oi thought Oi was givin the orders... Misuka: RARRRRRR!!! Angry pixies are funny. Misuka: SHUT UP! WE ARE NOT! DONT POKE THE PIXIE!! The author pokes the pixie. muahahha. pokepokepokepokepokepokepoke Misuka:STOPIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIT! Darkfool: Oi, stop it, wroighta. Jester: Yeah, or we'll never get to the fight scene. Fight scene? oh riiiiiiiiiight the fight scene. Okay. Darkfool attempts to wake Soshika, who clamors to her feet in fear...uh... Soshika: Zzzzz..... Or just sleeps on... Darkfool: How do we wake her? Jester: Hey, cat! Get up! Soshika: ....let me sleep... Soshika rolls over and goes back to sleep. Jester: I know what to do! Jester runs back to his Final Fantasy Stratagy Guide and reads up on how to get Vincent to join your party. Returning, hair spiked like Cloud and carrying a bigass sword he says the magic words... Jester: We gotta wake her again! Darkfool: But we troied that! Jester: Trust me, fuzzball!! Suddenly everyone's in FF7 outfits and- Jester: Author, no. Damn. Anyway, they all wake up Soshika again. Soshika: *muttermuttermuttermutter* I have nothing to say to strangers. Get out. This mansion is the beginning of your nightmare. Darkfool: But we're not in a- Jester: SHHHHHHHH!!! Jester flips back to his FF7 stratagy guide and checks it out. Good thing Jester likes FF7. Jester: *ahem* This mansion is the beginning of a nightmare. No, it's not a dream, it's for real. Sephiroth has lost his mind. Soshika makes a little jump and looks sick. Gawd i think this Vincent thing's going too far... Jester: Shhhhhhhadap! Soshika: Hearing your stories has added upon me yet another sin. More nightmares shall come to me now, more than I previously had. Misuka: Is she getting these lines off the internet? Soshika glares at Misuka. Misuka glares at the author. The author whistles innocently but the cat rolls over and goes back to sleep. The author suddenly gets visions of Vincent Valentine in this cute croc suit... Jester: Wake her up again!! This time Misuka wakes up Soshi. They ask her her name and she tells em. She babbles on about being a turk. We all know where this leads to...SOSHI SNAP OUT OF IT! Soshika: NO! Darkfool: Well, you gotta stay awake, we need you to call Grey- Soshika: Let me sleep! Soshi rolls over and goes to sleep again. That got us no where, Jester! Jester: We gotta walk away now. All: WHAT? Darkfool: WHOT? ....Because i trust Jester's FF7 guide, everyone walks away. Sure enough, Soshi jumps up and announces she'll go with them. Are you done playing Vincent yet? Soshika: Yeah, sure i guess so. ^_^ Gawd...okay...well, Darkfool menacingly holds his hook to her throat to make her scream for Grey! Darkfool: But Oi've got all pegs again! ARG! So you hold a PEG to her throat and she screams for Grey! Soshika: But the peg can't hurt me- JUST SCREAM, DAMNIT, OR I'LL DRESS YOU LIKE MY SISTER! Soshika: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAUUUUUUGH!!!! Meanwhile, in the lovely forest, everyone awakens to the bloodcurdling scream with a start. Grey knows right away who it is, because he can hear Soshi's mental Voice. Leaping to his feet he starts to run off...uh...Grey...you can fly. Grey: I dislike it. FLY DAMNIT! Grey: Fine. Grey takes to the air and flies to the pirate ship where he finds everyone. Misuka: GREY! Misuka tries to cling to Grey, but he just swats her away cause he thinks she's a bug. Everyone laughs as the pixie hits the main mast and falls down. muahhaha. Misuka can't even twitch because she's unconcious. Grey: ... Soshika: GREY! Darkfool: Ullo! Darkfool! You're supposed to want to kill him! Darkfool: Oh roight! Okay! Oi switch to hooks! Dear god... Darkfool: WATCH ME! OI CAN CLIMB UP HERE!! Darkfool clatters up the mast like some sort of furry spider or something. At the top, Grey's perched on one of the sails, just standing there. Darkfool: Are we supposed to fight? Grey: Everyone knows I'd win. Hmmm..that's true...it won't be very much interesting...uh...Darkfool step down a minute Darkfool: Only if Oi can sing! Sure..fine..you can sing while they fight. Okay, in Darkfool's place, Darth Maul appears! Darth Maul: Grrr Grey: Heh. Soshika: NO!! Soshika leaps all howevermany feet up the mast and lands between Darth Maul and Grey. Soshika: I won't let you fight Grey! This's MY battle!! The wind swishes dramaticly...Darth Maul slowly fetches his duel lightsabre and ignites it..There is silence.... Darkfool: OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOH OI'M A NIKITAK AND OI'M OKAY! -_-; Darkfool... Darkfool: You said Oi could sing! Oi've even got my backup singers! Hit it boys! Tons of Tonberries all march on screen and start singing backup....uh... Darkfool: OI SLEEP ALL NOIGHT AND OI FLY ALL DAY! ANYWAY...In the flash of a moment, Darth Maul leaps at Soshi, but she dodges to the side, swinging with her claws to catch the side of the mast and get around him. In mid air, she reaches behind the croc suit and rips loose the katana! The flash of steel fills the air as the croc suit falls away in tatters...Soshi's in her normal cloths again! Facing Darth Maul on the top sails, The feline suddenly looks very grave and serious, gripping the katana carefully. Soshika: Nobody attacks my Grey. Darth Maul: Grrr... They lunge to attack- Darkfool: OI PILOT MOI SHIP, OI SMUGGLE STUFF, OI SPEAK LOIK A BRITISH CHAP! -_-+ THEY LUNGE TO ATTACK, the red light from Darth Maul's sabre filling the air! Soshika knows the katana won't hold up against the sabre, and that only her speed can save her now! Dodging Maul's strikes, she ducks under his sabre to make a slice at his middle! Flying like an swallow in the air- Darkfool: OI HAVE SIX FUZZY LIMBS, OH IMAGINE THAT!! Tonberries: Oh he's a Nikitak and he's okay... -_-++ But Maul brings up the hilt of his sabre and the two weapons clash with a mighty snapping sound! Maul's sabre has been cut in two...but it's no more safe! He's only got 2 weapons now! Soshika: Crap! Darth Maul: Grrr... Grey: Allow me... Grey jumps in! A flash of red energy flies through the air, smacking into the blade of one of Maul's sabres! The shaft of glowing light suddenly turns a solid black..some sort of metal. It's not just a normal sword! But that's no good, Soshika's still got one lightsabre to worry abou- Darkfool: OH OI'M A NIKITAK AND OI'M OKAY, OI SLEEP ALL NOIGHT AND OI FLY ALL DAY! This is trying my patience...Anyway, Soshika quickly spins, the blades of the two solid weapons clacking for an instant before Maul lunges forward! Just barely dodging the strike, Soshika does a very Wolverine style thing and backflips over Darth Maul's head, landing claws spread on the other side of the mast. Beckoning with her free hand, she taunts the Dark Lord... Soshika: C'mon... Darth Maul: GRRR! Darkfool: OI PILOT MOI SHIP, OI'M FURRY AND NEAT, OI WANT TO COOK RABIN'S EGG! Rabin: HEY! You gotta stop this, Darkfool...Anyway...Darth Maul lunges at Soshika again but she sidesteps, and he runs head first into Grey. Grey leaps into the air and hovers above, making Darth Maul even more mad. All the Tonberries singing below sure aren't helping either... Darkfool: AND EVEN THOUGH OI'M FUZZY,OI LOIK TO DRESS IN DRAG! Tonberries: Oh he's a Nikitak and he's okay... I'm about to duct tape his mouth shut...you're ruining the cool fight scene! Darkfool: OH OI'M A NIKITAK AND OI'M OKAY, OI SLEEP ALL NOIGHT AND OI FLY ALL DAY! Time out...time out...Darth Maul and Soshika stop fighting for a moment while we let Darkfool finish his song... Darkfool: OI PILOT MOI SHIP all: HEY! Everyone takes a step to the side and starts clapping in time...Even Darth Maul Darkfool: OI PLAY CAPTAIN HOOK All: Sing it! Everyone's groovin now, dancing up on the masts and everything. Soshika, Darth Maul and Grey have formed a sort of can-can line and are all dancing. Darkfool: WITH PEGS ON ALL MOI HANDS! All: oooh yeah! Darkfool: OI WANTED TO BE PETER, BUT NO ONE UNDERSTANDS!! The music has kicked up beyond belief, the pirate ship's rockin with this musical number. The fight's forgotton, and even Misuka's unable to resist the catchy tune. In the midst of all this, Darkfool's pulled on a pair of fishnet stockings and is capering about in them, dancing. And I, in a massive fit of sweatdropping, have decided to end it there. The scene fades out on that happy musical note, the land of Never Never land gone in the distance. Neverland as in i'm NEVER letting him sing again... THE END (Note: i just added darth maul cause it'd be cool. Sorry misuka, but your rants ARE like that. and one of these days i will end my obsession with katanas...) 1999