for language and SO MUCH OF IT

Soshika Lypha was standing in a hallway and she was starting to get rather pissed. Business as typical aboard the Jester X. Ashido Tsukiyo walked by at that moment. He is not to be envied here. Pity him, people.

“Ash. Ash what the fuck is this.”

“Um. It looks kind of like a stanky-ass sofa.”

“That was what I was thinking. Because that's what it looks like. And it does smell like a rotten egg's cunt. But the thing is, and this is why I was wondering whether or not this was really a couch. The thing is why in the Hell would a couch be here in front of my door all like that?”

“How should I konw? What am I, the arch-secretary of sofary?” note to self: apply for that position when we land.

“Well because I know that this isn't Misuka's couch. She wouldn't leave it in front of the fucking floor. And Sartre sleeps in a fucking basket so it proably is not his. That leaves you and wonderboy.”

“Aww he has a pet name now?”

“I will shoot your body into space.

“Oh what is this that I hear in the distance? Oh harken, it is wedding bells!” And then Soshi thrust his head into the bowels of the couch.

“OI! What're ya doing with my couch!” And around the corner did come a llama wearing a colorful hat. He was carrying a box of dusty silverware in his second set of arms.

“So this is yours then.”

“Yep. I found a banging garage sale. Can you believe that only cost sixty simoleons?”

“I can't believe you paid for this shit.”

“I also got us some new spoons and shit. Think there's a melon baller in there.”

“I am not eating with that shit.”

“Feh, your loss.”

“Why is there a couch in front of my door.”

“Because nobody moved it?”

“Why did you put it there.”

“Got tired of moving it. Sonuvabitch is heavy!” Koji blurted, watching Soshi's face contort with rage.

“So you left it in front of my fucking door.”

“Just climb over it.”

“My door opens outward gutterfuck.”

“Yeah, well... shit is that ash.” Koji said with alarm, looking at the twitching form crammed in his couch.

“Oh yeah shit.” Soshi let go of the flailing mite, who immediately lept up, a look of abhorr terror on his face.

“There is no God anymore.” he said shakily.

“Shit, it couldn't have been that bad.” Soshi replied wryly.

“I've dealt with some heavy shit in my life man. But there the terrors in that. In that THING,” Ash gestured boldly at the couch “Are akin to nothing I have ever felt before. The odor has taken on a corporeal form for chrissakes.”

“Please, spare me.”

“It is self aware, I shit you not.”

“Ash get the hell out of here.”

“Oh god. I feel so.... dirty.” And Ashido left, shuddering deeper than most men would dare.