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 for silly violence, mild language and immature drugs/sex jokes.Warriors Ten: Beauty and the Beast The screen fades into view covered in some green fluffy substance. The author whipes her hand across it and eats some of it. its green its gooey its HYPER POTION! WOHHHEHAHAHEHHEHEHE THe author spazes madly. Castle: *ahem* SILENCE INFIDEL! The author calls down a bolt of lightning and reduces the INSABORDINANT castle to a pile of castle ash! WAHAHAHAHHEHEHEHEHHE!!!!
Grey: ...Yeesh.
TOO LATE!!! billions of zubats fly around and attack my characters! FLY! FLY MY PRETTIES!!!! Rabin: I'll get her! Rabindranath materializes behind the author! NOOOOOOOO!! he brings down an empty antfarm on the author's head! the author is knocked out @_X
Rabin: Got her!!
Ahem. So the story begins. Everyone is bowing to ME because I AM THE BEST. Thousands of minions are building TEMPLES! TEMPLES TO ME! And they're NOT allowed to kill the bunnies! OH NO NO NO... Grey: Get back here... Grey drags Me in all my greatness down but I dont care because for once, the cat can't intervine. HA!
Grey: Misuka, that was uncalled for.
Mire takes his stand as the temporary author, casting a glance at the franticly twitching and spazing real author who's tied up. He takes his seat behind the keypad, salutes his Rei eva poster and begins to type. WARRIORS TEN: BEAUTY AND THE BEAST rolling credits.
Grey: Belle
THE REAL AUTHOR TAKES OVER RIPPING FREE OF HER BONDS AND FINISHES THE CAST OF CHARACTERS IN A FLURRY OF PSYHOCNESS!!
Darkfool: beast
Grabbing the real author, Mire proceeds to tie her up with duct tape and shove her in a closet. That will be enough casting for now. Let's get this show on the road. Before us lies a little, ramshackle village. Everyone is walking about, exchanging plesentries...
Chocobo: Wark! ^_^
See, what did I tell you? But we're not watching the village just yet. In fact, we're focusing outside the village on a small hill where there's a tiny cottage within which our characters reside.
Darkfool: Oi daddy whot're ya doin?
There's a huge explosion which rocks the little house and leaves hoplita covered in blackened ash. He coughs a little cloud of smoke at Darkfool, who is miraculously untouched by the blaze. The Nikitak leans over his..erm..father.
Darkfool: Oi'll hit the town for some gauze. Don't go anywhere!
Setting out across the soft, pretty french landscape, Darkfool enters the town which, miraculously, has escaped Rulerist ideals. Don't question my power. SUddenly there is a picture of a man who is hanging on a upside down L, impaled there, still twitching slightly as his rags billow in the wind. Man: I'm not dead yet! There, you see what happens when you disobey me and question my power? Anyway. Darkfool is skipping....SKIPPING? Darkfool: latedoobily da! ^_^ STOP SKIPPING THIS INSTANT! It's way too..feminine...
Darkfool: Oi saw the cast of characters! Oi finally get to be in a dress!
The real author has broken loose again and is in the middle of the path, headbanging furiously to Eve 6...Jesus, can't you stay put?
H.Carlian: This is the last song..ill send your way...i smelled you on my shirt todaaaaaay *jammin*
Okay...anything. I can't seem to keep her still. Darkfool: Oi get ta wear Belle's dress... Darkfool flutters his eyelashes femininely. -_-; Thanks loads, Carlian, for making this already a yaoiful world.
H.Carlian: MY PLEASURE!! @_X
Okay okay..just get rid of her. God. Darkfool hands H. Carlian a series of Trigun DVDs and points her towards the Paladin's computer.
Paladin: ACK!
The real author is now transfixed by anime, and I give Darkfool his puffy frilly blue dress. Darkfool slithers into it and continues on his way, skipping down the road. He enters the little town, where people start eyeing him curiously. Maybe it's the dress. Darkfool: Does it make me look fat? Is moi but hanging out in the back? Oi knew blue wasn't my colour... Oh shut up. It's because they all know the rumors about you being uh...Damn. I'm no good at this. H.Carlian: A TRANSVESTITE!! okay, so it IS the dress. They're all afraid because you're a transvestite. People seem to scatter, and Darkfool finds what he was looking for, pays for it and goes back. But no sooner has he turned around when... Igna: Well Well Well.. Igna seems to have found you again, Darkfool. Igna, who for fic purposes has become a lecherous muscle building evil Myche, is blocking Darkfool's path. She's been looking to get with him for the past few months, but Darkfool staunchly refuses her requests each time. No wonder, right? Beside her is the for-fic-sake-turned-cronie-myche Jino, just kind of slithering about.
Darkfool: Oi dont got time for you, Igna. Moi old man's burnt up again.
Darkfool brushes past Igna and wanders up to his home where he wraps up his "dad" Hoplita. We skip a few hours ahead to where Hoplita is prepareing to go out for a congregation of inventors in Paris.
Darkfool: Oi, Oi always wanted to go to Paris!
Hoplita sets off, tearfully, for paris. He wanders deep into a creepy forest. A sign up ahead makes him raise his fuzzy head.
Sign: GO LEFT FOR PARIS, GO RIGHT FOR CERTAIN UNTIMELY PLOT TWISTS
A mysterious hand jumps out of the shadows and shoves Hoplita down the plot twist path. The path becomes dangerous and twisted and in the distance, there's an eerie thumping sound...
Hoplita: Oh dear..what now? ;_;
A huge pourra appears, and yes pourras CAN appear in france, because I am in control! The pourra chases Hoplita down the path for miles and miles until suddenly-
Misuka: When the hell do we appear? I'm bored, damnit!
OH KEEP YOUR PANTS ON.
Soshika: Tell that to Grey ^_^
SINCE I TOOK CONTROL. Now SIT DOWN and SHADDAP. Hoplita flees the Pourra, which is flinging fire balls and snarling madly. Nevermind that Hoplita has no hind legs upon which to flee. This is just the way it is now. Random Idiot: MILDEWWWWWWWW!!! Does this happen Every time we get into something interesting? GET OUT OF HERE! Stupid siblings... Hoplita: Um...Sir...the ...Pourra ;_; Hoplita is fleeing again. fleeing fleeing fleeing playing cards fleeing...okay, he's fled enough. Suddenly, a dark shape blocks the path. A flash of red illuminates the forest and the Pourra falls backwards howling. Hoplita, turning his head to watch the beast's pursuit, doesn't see his savior. Looking up, all he sees is a cloaked black shape before he falls.
Igna: Quickly.. Igna saw which way that idiot whimp Hoplita went. We'll lure Darkfool out telling him his ...uh..dad's in danger.
Meanwhile, Igna and Jino have been plotting evilly and lecherously to lure our transvestite buddy out of his little home. They knock upon the door and Darkfool answers, wearing a frilly cooking apron.
Darkfool: Oi was just fixing some eggs benadict! Whot do you want? -_-;
Darkfool starts to shut the door, but Igna uses a huge myche paw to hold it open.
Igna: Igna's afraid that isn't all. He was actually in danger- he took a wrong path, and a Pourra was chasing him...
Darkfool tears out of the house on his six fuzzy legs and races into the forest after his ...father. Hoplita. He reaches the fork in the road where Hoplita went the wrong way-
Soshika: You SHOVED him.
Will you two keep your voices down? No comments from the peanut gallery, especially if it's made up of characters! For some odd reason a duck quacks its way overhead and interupts behtoven's fifth, which was playing in the background with Rabindranath singing to it.
Rabin: Every time -_-;
Misuka dances past Rabin with an empty food basket, symbolizing she is sexless. Anyway back to Darkfool. He looks at the signs.
Darkfool: Oi, which way could moi dad have gone?
Shut up. Darkfool takes the advice of the voice of reason and ambles down the path. Since I'm tired of writing about the forest, Jester appears in a flash of light. Jester: Hanging ropes are as good as step ladders to those who know how to use them ^_^ Jester summons a vine. Darkfool climbs up it and scans the horizon. He sees a castle far off.
Darkfool: THIS BIGGEST SWING IN JUNGLE HISTORY! will hurt very much. But Geor-I mean Darkfool have to do it. ^_^
Darkfool swings as fast as he can over the heads of the tonberry singers and zoooooooms through the woods until he is almost right upon the castle door! DARKFOOL!
Tonberries: WATCH OUT FOR THAT!!
Darkfool SLAMS into the castle door!!! BANG! OOOOH!! Tonberries: ...door. The Tonberry singers suddenly vanish as Darkfool slides down the castle door, landing with a thunk on the drawbridge. The door mysteriously and quietly opens, as if inviting him without words-
Misuka: WELCOME TO MY CASTLE, PITIFUL MORTAL!!
Soshika smacks Misuka upside the back of the tassle. The two inatimate objects then get into a very animated fight. Darkfool enters, not really noticing the fight between the carpet and the candle.
Darkfool: OI! 'Ello?
SILENCE IS NOT SUPPOSED TO SPEAK!! God, how does H. Carlian DO this? Jester: Give it up, Mire m'lad... Never. Darkfool begins exploring the castle, firstly by picking up candle and lighting it.
Soshika: OOOOOW!!! @_X
Darkfool snuffs the light on Soshika the Candle. Now in the darkness, he adresses her..er..it er...uh..?
Soshika: I'm as anatomicly impared as a candle.
Darkfool realizes that the things in this castle are alive, and as thus, begins to have a chat with them.
Darkfool: Oi have to admit, it's been quite a while since Oi talked with some speaking furnishings.
But she does say, even though I can't figure out how a candle would speak. I mean, it's got no lungs, no vocal chords, no tongue HELL it doesn't even have a mouth! But I'm ruining hte magic. And this candle and carpet are very vocal.
Misuka: Yeah, the real author got so hyper that she cursed us all to these forms.
Oh please don't say it.
Soshika: Yaoi.
She said it -_-; Darkfool: ...yaoi? Yes, yaoi...The only way to bring H. Carlian back to semi-coherancy is with yaoiful activity. And the master of the castle is the worst cursed of all of them...he's taken to captureing those outside the castle and confining them to locked rooms of hte castle just to reduce the risks he could be involved in a yaoiful scandle.
Darkfool: Oi but couldn't Yuri work?
will someone get that paladin out of there? Who are you anyway?
Paladin: I'm H. Carlian and Misuka's friend from school. I stop their infighting.
The author takes a minute to look in on the real author. The author concludes he hasn't much time before his power is jepordized again, and that the real author needs to wash her hair. Darkfool: ANYWAY... Sorry. Anyway. Soshika and Misuka continue to explain.
Soshika: We tried to entice her with Kyotoshi and Jet but...
There's suddenly some shouts from the kitchen, as if to illustrate a point. I don't need to hear this.
Jet: I AM THE TEAPOT OF YOUR DREAMS!
The temporary author goes and reads some lemony eva fics quite quickly to clear his head. Do you guys always spiral out of control like this?
Soshika: But of course. ^_^
You know...I'm about ready to surrender my duties as an author...Solla, take over for me, would you? I never thought I'd say that... Solla: Very well. Solla gains the seat of author. Instantly, Mire is turned into a walking irate necklace which scuttles outside looking for someone to posess. Since I have no reason to do anything ..Misuka remains as she is, a carpet. Misuka: FUCK YOU! Although she could quite easily be a used condom...
Misuka: @_X ehh heh heh heh ^_^; oh yes a carpet's very good for me i enjoy being a carpet yes yes yes yes...
Darkfool agrees to help them break the curse, because he is not against a little Shinounen-ai. After all...it is only a chat fic, it never really happens.
Darkfool: Sure, Oi'll help you break the curse. But Oi need to see where Oi'm goin...
Misuka does her little pathetic carpet slither over to a lightswitch and flicks it on. Instantly, the castle is illuminated. A peice of flying meat zooms in from the kitchen, pursued by a hopping teapot which is giving off the strong aroma of ...leaves...that are not tea...
Jet: HEY HEY!!
Undaunted by the intervention by the flying meat and teapot that smokes ganja, Darkfool proceeds to ask directions about the castle.
Darkfool: Which way's your master?
Misuka begins to lead them about, slithering as only a carpet can, so close to the ground. Misuka: I will kill you, gecko bitch. Now now..You could be the castle urinal. Fuming silently, Misuka leads them onward. But since the Ranec is almost never right, she leads them in exactly the wrong direction. They end up in a room with a twirling daisy in a glass case.
Darkfool: Oi, daisys!
An obelisk floats by, and an astronaut tumbles after it as if there is no gravity in the room. The theme from 2001: A Space Odyssey begins to play. Nobody takes any notice. Misuka: -_-; oye... Darkfool, unwitting of the obviously intimidating music, reaches for the daisy. It glows earily and as he grabs it, he is suddenly shocked.
Midreak: RARR! i mean...What sound DO daisys make?
It is evident to everyone that Midreak is quite pink, but not entirely so yet. Darkfool gets an idea. Darkfool: Oi know! We'll paint the daisies white! There is a sudden alice in wonderland throwback, and both Misuka and Soshika produce cans of paint and begin painting Midreak white.
Midreak: RAAAAR I DO NOT WISH TO BE PAINTED!
The furious roaring sound shakes everyone in the chamber, making them drop their cans of paint. They all turn, and shivering, behold the might of the cloaked figure standing in the doorway.
Soshika: It's the master!
Misuka curls up and hides behind Darkfool, and Soshika hops out of his hand and burrows into his fur to escape notice. Darkfool is left alone facing the cloaked figure.
Darkfool: Oi there. ^_^ Oi'm Darkfool.
The cloaked figure is about human height, and carries an aura of evil about it. It is obviously a demon- Paladin: If you can't comment in an unbiased way, hand the story over to someone else, Solla. I say coridally, screw you, Paladin. I shall tell it as I desire. Darkfool can not see who the cloaked shape is.
Darkfool: Oi'm looking for moi father, 'Oplita. Have you seen him?
The cloaked shape withdraws cautiously. Demons dare not show their faces.
Grey: If you saw me, you would not treat me as a normal person....nya..
Complying slowly, the demon pulls back the hood of his cloak. The soft fabric slithers off his shoulders and reveals him dressed in pure black, staring through darkly slitted eyes. His horror is revealed- two silvery triangular ears break the uneven pattern of silver and black hair, and a long silver tail snakes from his rear..he is...
Darkfool: AWWW YOURE A NEKO!
Darkfool tackles neko-grey and begins hugging him furiously.
Darkfool: Oi matey you're so darn cute! ^_^
Although a demon can never be normal, Grey means breaking the curse. Darkfool snuggles him in his arms and rocks him back and forth. Already the attention of H. Carlian is begining to divert back to this fic.
Darkfool: But matey, how do you ever expect to break the curse if you keep lockin away that which'll break it?
Left in the dark, Darkfool cuddles a reluctant neko-grey and convinces him to let Hoplita and the other people he has locked up go home. Grey reluctantly sets them free and they hurry home with tales of a horriable neko-demon....But in the meantime...
Kyotoshi: Dude, we got a guest!
Darkfool is comanded to stay away from Grey, who still is not very keen on shinounen-ai in a chat-fic. He would much rather keep it restricted to private sessions with Midnight...
Grey: Does EVERYONE know about that?
The demon goes off to sulk in his private chambers while Darkfool has a musical song and dance number with the teapot and the flying meat.
Kyotoshi: Who who who! In ...my..nightmare..I..
Grey secretly watches from a high up balconey as Darkfool cheerfuly plays and dances with the dishware and food. A thought crosses his mind... Grey: Why do chickens have scales on their feet..? Wrong thought, You foolish demon. You think about how Darkfool seems to care about everyone, even if they're not human. Grey: I think about that all the time anyway. Stop ruining my narraration. Grey: No. Fine then. We'll skip ahead a few months to winter, where Darkfool and Grey are finally starting to gradually become friends...
Darkfool: It has to do with moi x-mas gift to him ^_^
For him, anyway...Ah well, that was my only lecherous moment ever. Grey is begining to allow Darkfool to brush his tail on a regular basis. Jet: Ya know what we Hekshanians say about grabbin the tail... Yes, we're fully aware that grabbing the tail is like grabbing the ass. Why anyone would want to grab the demon's ass is beyond me...
Soshika: Everyone wants to grab the demon's ass!
In the meantime, the stories from those such as Hoplita who were held captive have made their rounds. People have assembled to hunt down the neko-demon.
Midnight: ^_^ Hehehe...
And amoungst them is the evil and lecherous..Igna. Igna: Onward, let us find the castle of this neko! And so the search party begins upon its way. Just as H. Carlian is slowly gaining attention in this fic. H.Carlian: ooooooooh... Ah, I am a good writer. Ha. In any case, The daisy is slowly turning more and more pink...time is running out...
Midreak: RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARR!!!!
Grey storms off through the castle, his anger causing his power to rage out of control. Paintings and architecture crumble under the might of the red energy, metal melting away. He races to his chambers and screams, throwing chairs and ripping things apart in frustration and hate.
Grey: I WILL NEVER BE HUMAN!
Suddenly, there's a breaking sound at the castle door. Misuka comes slithering up the steps followed by the flying meat.
Misuka: There's neko-hunters knockin down the fuckin door!
Indeed, even Jet has only a limited supply of weed. The intruders are making their way upstairs as we speak. And Midreak is growing more pink every second. Grey: DAMN YOU ALL! DIE! Darkfool and the others quickly take cover while the demon looses his coherancy and sends a giant flaming ball of energy down the stairs. It blows several of the neko-hunters over backwards, but Igna keeps coming. The force and power of the blast has torn Grey's cloths clean off.
Midnight: @_@ WHEE! ^_^
Igna races up the steps and knocks the demon down, kissing him quickly. Grey shoves the lecherous Myche off and snarls, slashing out. Midreak turns even more pink, because that was the exact OPPOSITE of yaoi!
Grey: Leave me alone! LEAVE ME ALONE!
Darkfool charges into battle and proceeds to throw Igna out of the castle.
Igna: Looks like Igna is blasting off agaiiiiiiiin!
The temporary author conviniently places a screen between Darkfool and Grey and everyone else. Midnight, you will have to learn to share.
Midnight: awww.
This is horriable. In order to refrain from anyone dealing with anymore, I hereby transfer us all to the main ballroom. We shall throw a party instead.
Kyotoshi: SOUNDS GOOD!
Oh. THe temporary author transports H. Carlian to the castle. The temporary author notes that the real author is...asleep.
H.Carlian: Zzzz....
Someone wake her up. Jester: No problem! Jester pulls out a small circular life form...AKA...a Slime. He places the Slime on the real author's face and orders everyone to step back.
Jester: GO MY SLIME BABY!
The slime proceeds to slime the real author causing her to awaken. Nice of you to join us. H.Carlian: Righto. Step down! I had a nap and i'm back ta paranormal! Very well. I step down and the real author takes her place...Ahhhh sooo good bein home ^_^
Solla: Well now that I am a flying butress...
ohhh righto ^_^; sorry bout that you guys. heh heh...Everyone gets turned back to their normal selves in a puff of cucumber flavoured smoke. Somewhere floors above there's a lot of screaming consisting mostly of...
Darkfool: Aw you're so cuute! ^_^
Let's leave it at that. Poof! Grey isn't neko-grey anymore although i gotta admit he was damn kawaii that way. the curse is broked! Midreak: RAAAAAAAARRR!!! Uh..except on Midreak who's now a pink daisy! AHAHHAHA!
Midreak: @_X
yeserinidoo. the shinounen-ai-ish scenes floors above continue despite Grey's protests... Grey: LEAVE ME ALONE! ahhh ya know ya like it. Grey: I DO NOT! heh heh heh. *ahem* anywillways. Everyone has a party now, the author puts on some funk music and we all get down get down ta the jungle boogie... Misuka: Goddamn I said goddamn. Damn straight. Everyone parties and watches movies and eats chips and has a fine ol' time. Soshika produces the pulp fiction soundtrack and after oooh about an hour or two, nekid non-neko grey sulks downstairs all wrapped up in what be lookin ta be a shower curtain. tahhahahhehee
Grey: I sincerely hate you...-_-+
Darkfool runs up behind grey and picks him up, skweezing him in his fuzzyness. hehe Grey: IS THERE NO END! Eventually. wanna join the party? Grey: Not naked I don't... Okay fine just SPOIL MAH FUN. The shinigami outfit drops down on grey. he's dressed up as death again. Grey: I don't want to be Death. -_-; oh but yer so sexycute as death. ^_^ just ask mid. Grey: I want my cloths. Back ta bein stoic i see? guess that shoutin fit was ta be short lived. heh heh heh. Oh FINE. Grey's scooby doo boxers drop on him.
Grey: -_-;
in which sense of the word? heh heh heh...
Soshika: You should stop tortureing hiim ^_^;
ah quit yer arguin. Okay fine. Grey's normal cloths poof onto him. Now join the party.
Grey: Thank you. -_-
The author throws the readers a kiss and mimics soshi. G'night everyone! Funky organ slapstick music begins to play as the screen fades to a scratchy black and white image which flickering reads only... THE END |
