for silly violence

by icaru "goddamnit i'm stealing zarla's ideas" s

(disclaimer: this never happens. it was late, i was tired, i thought it would be funny.)

Ro Koji, better known as Darkfool looked up from the little yellow post-it note in his hand, checking hte adress on the house he was about to enter. Yes, it was right. The red brick building looked pretty worn down, and all the lights were on. Some of the noises coming from inside were unsettling too. With a resigned air, the six-legged Nikitak scrambled up the front steps and rang the bell.

"Ariiiiight hold on a second...DAMNIT LYIKA LET GO!" A rather irate voice shouted. Seconds later the door opened a crack and a yellow furred Hekshanian poked his head out. He looked as if he was normally good natured, but right now was being driven up a wall. His hair was mussed and his fur was on end, bags under his eyes. No wonder he'd put an add up...

"Oi'm here to see about the baby sittin job," Koji spoke with a toothy grin on his long, weasel like face. The bells on his jester's cap, the only article of clothing the Nikitak wore, jingled. In the dark, he knew his bright white fur fairly glowed in the spilt light from behind the Hekshanian.

The other alien nodded his head quickly and motioned for Darkfool to slip inside. "Yeah, yeah hurry up already. Craika, i'm glad you're here." The Nikitak slipped past him and into the house, where the Hekshanian promptly slammed the door shut behind. Koji jumped.

"So..whot's my agenda?" he took the invitation into the house as a sign he was hired. He'd guessed right. Even though the Hekshanian looked a lot younger than him, he didn't seem any less eger to get out of the house.

"Right...ya just gotta watch the kids for the night, see? My folks're outta town, and i'm stuck watchin Lyika and all her buddies." The Hekshanian looked genuinely worried over that. Darkfool couldn't see why. "Just wanna get out for the night, ya know?"

"Roight, Oi understand." Darkfool tucked the slip of paper under his cap and nodded. This kid seemed so desprate, how could he say no? "Don't worry about it, Oi'll keep an eye on them. How many are there?"

The Hekshanian seemed to cringe. "Five."

The Nikitak wasn't fazed. He'd watched over larger groups. "Whot time'll you be back?"

Shaking his head quickly, the Hekshanian looked like he didn't want to think about that just yet. "Sometime in the mornin, i guess. You care?"

"Not really. Whot's your name? Moin's Ro Koji." Koji extended a middle paw for a handshake.

"Kyotoshi," the Hekshanian took it and nodded. "I'll pay ya when i get back, aright? But i'm jettin now. Later." He waved a paw hastily at the Nikitak and ducked out the door. Darkfool blinked a moment. Well, first thing to do was to find those kids.

Darkfool was barely aware of the pair of dark, brown, silver flecked eyes watching him until their owner leapt out and bit him on the leg. The Nikitak screamed in pain and made a snatch at the biter, but the little human-looking creature scooted away too quickly. Its hair was a mix of black and silver, and it was dressed all in the shades of night. Down on all fours, it growled at him. Darkfool racked his memory for human anatomy...it was a male, he thought.

"Here now, that's no way to treat your babysitter!" Reaching out a middle paw to pick up the kid, Koji was startled when the little human darted backwards against the wall, still on all fours, and continued to growl. This puzzled him, because for the life of the Nikitak, the human was acting like an animal.

Suddenly, a veritable blur of black and gold flashed past his face and towards the little human, who yelped and ran from the room, still on all fours. Looking around franticly, Koji discovered his cap was gone. Whatever had taken it might have been one of the kids.

Okay Koji, he thought to himself. You weren't prepared for this. They're proper monsters, they are. Okay. Adjust the strategy. Turn on the tube, kids always watch the tube. Making his way into the ajoining rooms, Darkfool quickly located the tele and switched it on to some channel he thought the kids would enjoy. If they gravitated into the room, he might be able to tell who was who.

The only one who entered the room startled him. Sauntering in from the kitchen as if he ruled the house, a little scaled creature waved hello to him. It had horns, wings, and claws...Koji blinked again and tried to deny what he was seeing. The little dragon was not only flecked with gold, but wearing his hat. With a casual movement, the creature flipped itself onto the couch and started clicking the channel changer.

"'Ey old dude...What's shakin? Name's Rabin." Without so much as looking at the Nikitak, Rabin proceeded to slouch down in the seat and allow his face and eyes to go slack, enveloped in the TV.

Koji blinked again. He'd never seen a dragon before, much less a delinquent one. Rabin, however, seemed to fit into both catagories. Plus he had his hat. Koji decided to ignore the loss of his cap for a little while and fidn out who and where the others were.

"Oi kiddo, you moind tellin me who else is here?" Koji tried to lean over in front of Rabin's face and block the TV screen, but the dragon just hopped onto his head without so much as a glance.

"Yeah."

"Pardon?"

"Yeah i mind, geezer. Yer blockin mah veiw!"

Koji was perplexed. "You're on moi head."

As if Rabin was going to answer anyway. A sudden crash from the kitchen brough Koji wheeling around, although the dragon held on tightly. Racing in that direction, the Nikitak mused how this was already shaping up to be one of hte worse jobs he'd taken.

"DIE!!"

"BY THE SOUL OF MICHA, I SHALL DESTROY YOU!"

Two flying creatures grapled in midair in the kitchen. One was fair skinned, pink like a human with soft bat-like wings and spikey brown hair in a ponytail. The other had light feathery wings, grey stoney skin and straight black hair. They both seemed ready to murder one another, especially the brown-haired one, who held a butcher knife in her hand.

"Bet your mother was a lizard, eh Solla? A little gecko, eh? Shows in your intelligence!"

"Bring it on, Ranec!" the grey skinned alien tried to tussle the other to the floor, but failed miserably.

"OI JEZUS!! GIMME THAT!" Darkfool made a paniced snatch at the knife, but only succeeded in making both combatants take their fight on top of the cabinets where he could not reach. Rabin, at that exact moment, chose to hop off and pick up a bottle of cooking sherry and drink it. The Nikitak took little notice and started to scale the shelves on his six furry legs.

The Ranec kicked out with her massive foot and sent the other alien sprawling, knocking down bowls and spices. "You wanna f--- WITH ME Solla? YOU WANNA GO?" The leather winged alien screamed and launched herself at Solla, feet first.

"HOW ABOUT A LITTLE NERVE PINCH, MISUKA?" The other alien swiped with her claws as the Ranec flew past, digging deep into a nerve on the Ranec's neck. Misuka screamed and fell like a world war two plane, right onto Koji.

"OI!" Falling backwards witha Ranec in the face, Koji hit the floor hard, the wind knocked out of him. Screaming insults, Misuka was back up in an instant and after Solla, who had fled into the other room. Stars danced in front of the Nikitak's face.

Rabin sauntered up and waved the sherry bottle in his face. "Ya want a drinkie?" the young dragon seemed to stiffle a hiccup as he climbed onto Darkfool's chest and started to pull out fur one by one. "Th's lil piggy went to a party, th's lil piggy babysat us, th's lil piggy passed out in the alley and th's lil piggy took the bus-"

"WHAAAAA!" a high pitched wailing shattered the air around Koji and brought him to his feet, knocking the delinquent dragon off his chest.

A little Hekshanian with yellow fur raced into the room and flung herself against the Nikitak, crying. He blinked once and figured this must be Lyika, Kyotoshi's younger sister. Patting the top of her fuzzy head with a massive paw, he tried to comfort her. "There there kiddo. Whot's up? Someone hit you?"

Sniffling, the little hekshanian backed her ears into her soft brown hair. "Solla's beating up on Grey!" She spoke with a scowling face, as if angry she couldn't stop the winged creature.

Koji stood up with a sigh, noticeing how quickly a headache was forming and set off to stop the insanity...however scant his chances at that might be.

Darkfool found the others back in the living room, the little animal-human having been backed into a corner by Solla who was buisly poking him with a lampshade. The Ranec was tearing things apart and throwing them at the other winged creature, who dodged every time. Feathers and stuffing from the couch were everywhere.

"Whot the hell is this?" Koji yelped, making Lyika duck behind him quickly and begin to suck her thumb. She seemed the only quasi-normal person out of this whole bunch.

Solla looked up abruptly and dropped the lampshade as if it was on fire. "We must kill the demon!" she shouted.

Grey, the human-animal, took the opertunity to lunge across the hallway and into the bathroom. Darkfool felt his headache intensifying.

"DEMON? You ignorant fuck!" The Ranec, Misuka, threw a vase at Solla. This time the other alien was too slow and it hit her square in the head. Solla dropped to her knees and started crying, but hte Ranec went on. "You're more demon than he is! He can't help how he is!"

As the Ranec flew past Darkfool and out the room, Rabin suddenly appeared, a pack of ciggerettes in his claws. Darkfool swiped at them, and this time succeeded. The young dragon looked absolutely crestfallen and proceeded to disappear through the wall. Koji nudged Soshika and told her "Go get some bandaids for Solla."

With a nod, the little Hekshanian ran off towards the bathroom after the other three kids. Darkfool kneeled before the bawling Solla, wondering how Misuka knew all those swear words. A little trickle of blood was appearing on Solla's right horn, but for all the screaming she was doing, there appeared no damage. Lifting her up, Darkfool shook his head.

"Here now kid, whot gave you the idea to beat up on poor Grey? He can't help it he's nuts." At least he hopped he was nuts and not just playing.

A shout from the bathroom proved him right.

"GREY AND RABIN ARE DRINKING TOILET WATER!"

A large, anime style sweatdrop appeared on Darkfool's forehead. Putting the still sniffling Solla down, he ran off again.

Inside the bathroom, it was unclear which of the two female alien children had made the alarm cry, and there was really no way to tell now.

"CHUG CHUG CHUG!" chanted Misuka, stomping her feet in time.

"C'mon Grey! Out drink that scaley punk!" Lyika was swinging from the shower curtain with a huge, cheerful grin, her claws easily reducing it to shreads.

Both Rabin and Grey were buisly lapping toilet water. At least it was clean toilet water. Grey really didn't seem to know the difference, but Rabin deffinitly did and was glaring at his "opponant" with the harshest looks he could muster.

"ONE TWO THREE FLUSH!" Shouted Misuka, leaping at the shower curtain. Launching herself off it, Lyika landed on the toilet handle and the bowl filled up again. Grey, being part animal, yelped at the sudden change and cowered somewhere behind the bathtub. Rabing kept lapping it up. Darkfool had no idea what to do now.

As if there was some immortal who had it in for Koji, Solla decided to appear at that exact moment and voice her opinion.

"OH SICK!" the fluffy winged creature proceeded turn very green and push Rabin out of the way to make use of the porcilin thrown. The little dragon raised his claws truimpantly and shouted.

"WHOOOOOOHOO!! 'Settles it! IM THE CHAMPION TOILET DRINKER!"

Misuka, who was now sitting on the shower curtain rod, began to clap enthusiasticly. Lyika, whose footclaws were dangling a little above Solla's head as she sat on the back of the toilet looked upset.

"No fair Rabin! If Solla hadn't pushed you out of the way, Grey'd win!"

Darkfool could not believe he was hearing this argument.

Rabin took a glance into the toilet bowl where Solla was still loosing her most recent meals. "I dun think we wanna rematch NOW..."

Misuka snorted. "You ruined yet ANOTHER thing, Solla."

Solla spun around, looking a little pale. "Say that again, Ranec."

And they were off again. But this time Darkfool was quick enough to grab Lyika and tuck her under one arm. The little Hekshanian looked like she was having the time of her life as Darkfool ran through the house after the other two aliens.

Meanwhile, Grey crept out from behind the bathtub on all fours, made his way into the living room, turned a few circles and fell asleep on the floor.

"WHEEEEEEE!" Lyika cupped her paws under her chin as Darkfool ran after Solla, who flew after Misuka, who was throwing things left and right. The house was rapidly becoming a disastre area.

Suddenly, Rabin materialized through one of the walls, slapping Solla in the face. The winged creature fell back, crying again, and hit Darkfool square on the nose. With a highly unceremonial sound, they hit the floor in a heap, Lyika still giggling.

Rabin decided to take that moment to re-attach himself to Darkfool's head. Jumping to his feet quickly, Koji caught sight of something he didn't want to see.

Aparently Kyotoshi's parents were collectors of guns.

Misuka was egerly engering the gun room, a transfixed expression on her face.

"NO! MISUKA! LEAVE THE GUNS ALONE!" Koji ran after the Ranec, but it was too late. The little alien had selected a berretta and was buisly flying away from him and towards Solla with it.

Solla knew what the berretta meant. It meant no more Solla. She turned er...wing..and fled as fast as she could into the living room.

"GET BACK HERE!"

"WHEEEE!!"

"C'MERE SOLLA! I'LL MAKE YA A NEW NOSE!"

"KEEP HER AWAY FROM ME!"

"WHOOOOOHOOOOO!!!"

Underfoot, suddenly, the floor moved and Darkfool realized he'd done a very bad thing.

He'd stepped on an irate, feral, sleeping psychic.

Grey was up in a flash of snarls and yips, his hands glowing with a strange red light. Everyone stopped moving and held their place. Misuka was frozen with her berretta pressed between Solla's eyes, Rabin in the process of tying Darkfool's hat around his neck like a cape, Lyika in the process of squirming away form the Nikitak and the Nikitak himself in trying to stop Misuka.

The room erupted in a blast of red energy, charing everyone. When the smoke had cleared, the furnishings lay relitively untouched, except they were warm to the feel. Darkfool adn the others, however, were blackened to crisps.

"THAT does it," gasped Koji, grabbing Grey by the wrist. The irate human-animal tried to bite and scratch him, but Koji was too determined.

With is other free paws, he grabbed Misuka and Solla respectively, holding Misuka by her gun hand so she couldn't fire on the other winged alien. Marching at a fast pace, he dragged them to the garage.

"Oi'm gonna handle you rugrats once and for all..." With his last free paw, he pulled out a roll of duct tape.

Minutes later, the house was quiet except for a relaxing recording of the Nikitak Northern Symphony playing on the stereo. Darkfool reclined lazily on the couch, reading a book. Glancing over the edge of its cover, he could see all five of the little monsters taped tightly to dining room chairs. Well, all except Misuka. The Ranec had proceeded to pull a houdini every time he taped her down, and so he eventually just taped her hands to her wings, her feet to the ceiling and mummified her with the lovely silver tape.

Not to mention the extra strips over everyone's mouths were helping hte peace. Ah yes..this was the way to do things. Darkfool smiled slightly. No need for babysitters, he thought to himself. Not with duct tape.